someone threw a dead crab at me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
