So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
