So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We are all done wearing pants today
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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