I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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