Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
