i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like abortions should bother me more
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
