I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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