I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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