you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
