I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize