How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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