Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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