you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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