lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
