Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she told me i tasted like america
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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