Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
