I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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