OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
