I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
