He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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