I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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