i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
