Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
