i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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