You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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