If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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