remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
