Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
