dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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