He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
