tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
