Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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