forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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