your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
