y did u give ur computer a hand job?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
