I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
