hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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