I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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