I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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