I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
