I accidentally burped into my bong.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
