fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
