I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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