Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
