His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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