Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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