there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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