He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
