apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
