Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
