some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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