I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
