I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
