3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
