Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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