apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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