Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
