Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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