so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
