you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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