it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
