Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He did a backflip because drugs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
