I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
