no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How does one acquire holy water?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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