Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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