if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
