so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
