i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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