someone threw a dead crab at me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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