Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
