I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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