Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
