I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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